House-isms Season 1

House: "Sorry. Up late. Internet porn." Chase: "Why aren't you in your office?" House: "There's a computer in my office. If I log on, romance will ensue. My wrist might fall off." "Are you comparing me to God? I mean, it's great, but so you know, I've never made a tree." "She has gone from the 25 th weight percentile to the 3 rd in one month. I'm not a baby expert, but I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to shrink." Mrs. Hernandez: "I'll have a huge scar. I won't be able to wear a bikini." House: "You wear a bikini now?" Mrs. Hernandez: "Yeah, you have a problem with that?" House: "No, but I've never gone swimming with you." House to Cuddy: "Jail. You'd like that. No more naughty schoolgirl. Conjugal visit -- that's her new fantasy." Chase: "How would you feel if I interfered in your personal life?" House: "I'd hate it. That's why I cleverly have no personal life." Cameron: "If it's cancer, he can't pitch again. If this was a regular guy who broke his arm lifting a box you'd pack him up and send him home." House: "My God, you're right. I lost my head. All life is equally sacred. And I promise you, the next knitting injury that comes in, we're on it like stink on cheese." "I'm extremely disappointed. I send you out for exciting new designer drugs, you come back with tomato sauce." Dr. House: "Unfortunately, you have a deeper problem. Your wife is having an affair." Patient: "What?!" Dr. House: "You're orange, you moron. And it's one thing for you not to notice, but if your wife hasn't picked up on the fact that her husband has changed colors, she's just not paying attention." Dr. House: "How are we doing on cotton swabs today? If there's a critical shortage, I could run home." Dr. Cuddy: "No you couldn't." Dr. House: "Nice." "Candy canes? Are you trying to mock me?" "Like I always say, there's no ‘I' in team. There's a ‘me,' though, if you jumble it up." House: "Right. True love. That's just how we match organs these days. There's a couple in France, high school sweethearts, they're trading brains." Wilson : "She was uncomfortable doing any more tests. I had to convince her just to do that one." House: "You get that often? Women who'd rather die than get naked with you?"